Guilt is a very persuasive emotion. The American Heritage Dictionary defines guilt as "A. Remorseful awareness of having done something wrong. B. Self-reproach for supposed inadequacy or wrongdoing." There is a big difference between these two definitions. The first one cites an awareness of having done something wrong, while the second mentions supposed inadequacy or wrongdoing. In the first instance, there was an actual action or event, but in the second instance, it is all simply self-recrimination.
I think everyone will agree that guilt doesnt feel good. It is a negative emotion, and it can lead to many more negative emotions, such as low self-esteem, depression, self-loathing and a need for self-punishment. Feeling guilty can become a lifelong habit. When we have an event, or even a series of events from our past that we feel guilty about, we can easily end up spending our lives trying to make up for it somehow. We carry the guilt around on our backs like a pack until it becomes so much a part of us that it becomes indistinguishable from our present life.
And then there is the guilt trip, defined as "To make or try to make (someone) feel guilty." Guilt trips are laid on others. Guilt trips are the result of those negative, pesky twins, Blame and Shame. Whenever one person blames another for some negative event, he or she will heap on the shame and blame, and before anyone knows what is happening, the recipient is off on a guilt trip.
Guilt is a useless emotion. It is an energy vampire, and it will suck the life out of you if you let it. If there is a tangible event in your life that you are feeling guilty about, it is time to forgive yourself and let it go. The past is the past, and it is unchangeable. You can never go back in time and undo the event. So the best thing to do in the here and now is to deal with it. No matter how terrible it was, or appears to you, forgive yourself. If you need help to forgive yourself, then get it. Taking that pack off your back is an amazing thing. It frees you and your life up for things like happiness, joy and self-esteem.
Guilt trips make lousy vacations. No one ever has fun on a guilt trip. If someone is putting blame and shame onto you, it is time to stop allowing it to happen. Someone can only do this to you if you allow them to! The truth is, no matter what you may have done, or not done, no one has the right to make you feel guilty. It merely means they cant forgive. That is their problem, not yours! Allowing this may be that you are being co-dependant. Cut the bonds that tie you to this, forgive yourself and move on. It may be difficult, but it is well worth the effort.
If you are sending someone else on a guilt trip, time to stop and take responsibility for your own actions. If someone has done something to hurt you, making them feel bad is childish and hurtful. Seek forgiveness within yourself. Even if what the person has done seems unforgivable, you dont actually have to have contact with this person to forgive them in your heart. This is a very healing and empowering thing for YOU. When you forgive another person, it frees you.
Guilt, and all of its close relatives, blame, shame, fear and anger, creates a huge wall. It stops all forward progress in life. It is time to tear down that wall and move forward. On the other side, the grass is green, the sun is shining and flowers are blooming. Birds are singing and better times are waiting for you. Once you eliminate guilt from your life, you will be able to see that you deserve to be there.
